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The Negotiator

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Note: This entry is about how love can be created or hindered through right and wrong first impressions. This entry does not speak to situations where one or more people are being detained for a crime or for the purposes of intervention. In those cases the detainees should be kept for as long as is seen fit :)

The one thing that establishes a negotiator as a non-threatening entity is the fact that they enter a situation with their hands in the air and no (discernible) weaponry. This is a major factor in helping them establish credibility when creating dialogue with someone. The negotiator is thinking “I have nothing to loose. I am here to help you. I have no alterior motives”

The best way to establish loving relationships is by approaching like a negotiator. Think about it. Love is defined as meeting someone at the place of their need. In order to do this, you have to humble yourself. Your pride must be nothing. Your aspirations must be nothing. Your desires must be nothing. You’re going in with no weapons so ultimately your life must be nothing. This is the only way to become someone who has no underlying motives. Once you have no underlying motives, you’re free to put other’s needs ahead of your own.

Could Jesus’ crucifixion be compared to a lamb being led to the slaughter if he were packing an AK-47? No… I think not. He approached his fate with his “hands in the air”. He was the epitome of humility. Because of that, we can rest assured that he only had our best interests at heart and no one can accuse him of sacrificing himself for any reason other than absolute love.

Perfection

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Hello Lovelies!
Just a short sweet reminder that you are beautiful, wonderful, uniquely different and perfect just the way you are. Never change yourself unless it is out of love and respect for someone who loves you right back. Steer clear of those who offer things like love, fulfillment, a better life, in return for changing. You are not a mule and you do not chase dangling carrots. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Stick with the people who respect that up front.

Avra Kadavra

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I once had a friend who was extremely resourceful. He dazzled me with magic tricks. Pulled strings and made the impossible happen. Made me chuckle when i wanted to curse. Very charming indeed. Not to mention adorable! But these things just made him attractive on the outside. And what is a man if he has no INNER substance? Unless and untill he can prove he’s about more than flashy tricks, I don’t suppose he can be considered a real man at all.  I dont say this from a place of malice or bitterness. I say it because it’s the truth. Period.
Charades can be kept up for as long as the people playing are on the same page.  Once confusion enters the equation, the illusion begins to break down. It becomes less powerful. Remember the feeling of awe that possesd Dorothy, Scarecrow and Tinman BEFORE they saw the little man behind the curtain? What about after? Deep down, you and I yearn for something more than just magic. That’s why Jesus didnt just perform miracles. He ministered to people. Showed them Christ’s love through his actions (dying on the cross and stuff like that lol). Magic is great for catching peoples attention. Just remember how short folks attention spans can be.

Controlled Trials

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Remember learning about the experimental procedure in highschool? Me neither lol. But I googled it and here’s a basic breakdown. Every experiment consists of experimental trials (where you change something and observe the result) and controlled trials (where you dont change anything, you just observe the natural progression of things). It cannot be classified as a true experiment unless you do a controlled trial first. Why?  Without the results of a controlled trial, you have nothing to compare the results of your experimental trial to! They are meaningless!

Here’s an example. A few experimental trials were done on Mcdonalds hamburgers and, from the results, we know that they can be left out for many  years without decomposing. This is NOT normal food behavior. How do we know this isn’t normal? Because throughout history, food has decomposed in a matter of days. It’s an established fact. We’ve observed it over and over in controlled trials. Now, if I only go off of the experimental trial results, I might assume that a 10yr old tub of cottage cheese would be safe to eat. I would be wrong.

As humans we like to experiment. We want to twist nobs, push buttons, pull levers. We want to see if we can effect the outcome or see what the outcome will be. Nothing wrong with that! In fact it’s great, IF we aren’t using the results to make educated guesses. If you want results that will help you make real decisions, it’s probably best to lead with observation.  Observe to see whether action is necessary, then act honestly and accordingly. Acting first often produces meaningless results and, in turn, meaningless applications of those results. Remember, God is at work, even when we are not. And not only does he know the outcome or results,  he knows the best way to apply them.

What’s Really “Good”?

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Every now and then, usually in the midst of complaining about a failed relationship, I’ll hear a man refer to himself as “a GOOD man”. He’ll then rattle off a list of attributes that he thinks make him a “good” man. The list usually goes as follows:

  • I have a job
  • I have a degree
  • I have my own transportation
  • I don’t have any illegitimate children
  • I don’t live in my parent’s basement
  • I don’t have a criminal record
  • etc,

Every item on that list is ego driven and has to to with status, material possessions, and how a man is perceived by himself and others. And while, in the world’s view, all of these qualities are nice to have, they do not  make a man”good” (at least, not by any standard that matters).

The real criteria for a “good” man are humility/submission driven, and have to do with the way a man perceives God. If he is truly making God bigger than himself and his own agenda, he’ll more than likely possess these qualities:

  • truthful
  • gentle
  • self-controlled
  • faithful/reliable
  • avoids excess
  • admits when he is wrong
  • etc., (catch more qualities in proverbs)

Note that none of the qualities in this list can be achieved with money or self-reliance. In order to posses the qualities of a “good” man, you must continually rely upon and submit to the power of an inherently good God.

I have my own transportationavoids

Praying Mantis, Giant Squid, Sovereign God

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I spent some time reading about the mating habits of praying mantis and giant squids today (I may not be a nerd, but i have excellent nerd potential). In a way, I think the sexual behavior of both creatures provides a little insight in regards to how God’s sovereignty is at work in our love lives (or lack therof).

Take the giant squid. Although never actually observed, it’s mating process has been widely theorized  and can only be described as extremely violent and exquisitely painful. One or both creatures end up maimed or even dead. Despite all of this, they keep reproducing! Why? Because they cannot deny their instinctual drive to be fruitful and multiply.

The same can be said for the praying mantis. Sometimes the female mantis devours the male after sex. It’s not as if the male doesn’t know hes taking a huge risk by courting her. Some even try to choose females who’ve recently eaten and aren’t as hungry. Despite the risk, they are drawn to mate and inevitably die. Why? They are playing their part in God’s sovereign plan.

And then there’s you and me. We have a part to play in God’s grand design as well. Proverbs 16:9 says ”A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” What does that mean for you? Well, if you’re like the male mantis, you know that love is risky. Perhaps you’re biding your time, waiting for the perfect partner (one who isn’t going to eat you alive). But you should know that even the best PLAN in the world isn’t going to give you complete control over you future. Maybe you’re like the giant squid. You PLAN on love being extremely painful, but you’re committed to finding that special someone. To you, I say take heart! You can’t be sure of anything. You are seeing through a glass darkly. Only God knows how your future will unfold.

In view of God’s sovereignty,excessive planning almost seems silly now doesn’t it?  It’s sort of like using a map you’ve drawn yourself … with crayons…  from memory. Wake up! God is using OnStar!